It has been several days since my last post and has taken some time to sort through the disappointment and emotions that had flooded my soul after our failed IVF cycle. We had six eggs retrieved, three fertilized and no normal embryos after the PGS testing. It was a rough few days and I felt emotions way down in the deepest enclaves of my being. Quite frankly, I was surprised I took it so hard. As with most things in life though, we eventually find a way to move on and grasp the tiniest bit of hope that things will get better and in our case… be a success next time.
Years ago, I dated a guy that had three sisters. I have been blessed with a brother, but had always wondered what it would be like to have a sister myself. Of all of the woman I know, it is a bond that is unmatched by any other relationship. I recall thinking how much I hoped that relationship worked out at the time because I wanted to have the chance at having some sisters! After the relationship fizzled (thank goodness), I thought the odds of ever being so fortunate to have several sister-in-laws would be slim. But God! Just when we get comfortable in life, he gives us something I like to call “God winks.”
A little back-story. I met my husband through absolutely no effort of my own, in the spring of 2015. I had just about given up on love and out of what felt like nowhere, he found me (No E-harmony or Match this time.. although I wasted several hundreds of dollars in subscription fees over the years!). We had several mutual friends through church and connected through Facebook of all places! Over an after work coffee at Panera’s shortly thereafter, I knew right away I wanted to know more about this man. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but it was a wonderful time in my life and eight months later we were married! It was the best decision I have ever made, for more reasons than I can count.
One of the best parts of our love story, is what he told me that first day we met. I asked him casually if he had any siblings. “Yes, I have four sisters,” he said. I couldn’t believe it! While this may not seem out of the ordinary to some, it was my “God wink.” I have had so many of them throughout my life. And so have you. It’s in the little things the Lord blesses us with that should serve as reminders of his goodness. Whether it is the out of the blue phone call you get about a job opportunity when you just so happen to be desperate for one (this has happened to me- twice!) or the random act of kindness or grace shown to us when we are being less than deserving. God wants to bless us!
After our first round of IVF, I was so sad. I twinge a little but even saying that because I know so many couples have coped with this and much worse, but the reality remains, it was a big disappointment. One day as I was continuing to wallow in my funky mood, a knock on our door surprised me. It was a beautiful bouquet of flowers! Guess who they were from? One of those sisters I had hoped and prayed for! Her thoughtful gesture of kindness meant so much and renewed my spirit with a new hope, serving as a gentle reminder of God’s love.
I had to wait a very long time, but God came through and blessed me with a wonderful husband to share my life with. I only dreamt of having sisters one day and the Lord delivered on that desire too. As we embark on our next round of IVF soon, I’m committed to take this hope and faith along with me as a constant companion. I know disappointments and let-downs will happen throughout life. We were promised as much in John 16:33, but throughout my journey I want to look for God’s goodness and “winks” at me along every step of the way.