I’m in shock.

Hello cyber world!  It has been quite some time since my last post.  I needed to take some time to pull away, reflect and to be even more candid… retreat into my cocoon of doubt, fear and hopelessness.

I turned 40 in April and after 3 rounds of IVF, had been wondering if holding my own baby in my arms would ever happen for me.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, we underwent 3 rounds of IVF and after having our meager number of embryos tested for genetic abnormalities, we were left with only one.

We grew weary with our original IVF clinic (poor customer service and a factory feel), so paid nearly $800 to have our embryo moved to a new clinic.  It is at a University and teaching hospital in Florida and we have been pleased so far.  The doctor at the original clinic said we had a 30% success rate and the doctor at our new clinic lowered that number to a 22% chance of a successful implantation.  The reason for that is our embryo was graded BC.  However, they both said implantation is worth taking a chance on and after researching, I discovered that embryo grading shouldn’t always be trusted.  The praying then started without ceasing.

The other surprise was the nurse at the new clinic asking me if I wanted to know the sex of the embryo.  I felt immediate trepidation because if I knew the gender, it would make this feel far more real (and painful should we fail).  The first clinic doesn’t share gender, so I was open to knowing, especially since our chance of implant was so low.  I thought “what the heck.. won’t matter much any way!”  A boy.  A beautiful baby boy.  Secretly, I was hoping to have a son any way, so this news came as an unexpected and welcome surprise.

On Tuesday, May 22nd, our implant took place.  After I took the Valium, I started repeating myself and felt an amazing relaxation that helped the procedure go fairly smoothly.  Your bladder must be completely full for some reason (beats me as to why!), so that part was the most uncomfortable.  Five minutes into the procedure, our Embryologist brought our little love into the room in what looked like a turkey baster.  A few moments later and it was done.

Five days later (and against the doctor’s recommendation), I started testing.  I began by using the $1 tests from Dollar Tree.  Negative.  Negative.  Negative.  My husband had taken me away to a fabulous resort to take my mind off of what was to come but I couldn’t help myself.  Our baby implanting was all I could think about.  After numerous negative tests, he assured me it was way too early to test.  I knew this but was hanging on a hope and a prayer.

Two days later I tested again and the result was negative but barely (miniscule!) I could see the faintest line for a positive result.  I waited until the next morning and tried it again.  That little line was a touch darker and after 4 more tests and a Clear Blue test for good measure, we got our positive.  I was in absolute SHOCK! Still am. I processed the news all day and was going to try to wait until my blood test, but just had to share with my husband.  I bought 3 balloons and put them in his office along with the test as a surprise when he got home from work.  He was of course elated.

Tomorrow morning I will take the blood test, but feel confident in the home pregnancy test results being correct.  A few things I have noticed:

  • I’m on Crinone (progesterone suppositories), which are messy , but I prefer them over daily shots in the back.  On day 7 (the following day I tested positive), I noticed a distinct odor in my urine.  Not smelly, just a distinct and hard to describe odor.  I’m not sure if that is caused by the Crinone or a pregnancy symptom?
  • My breasts have been sore from the Crinone, but they started to be even more tender on day 8.
  • I was 146 pounds but jumped up to 150 on positive test day.  This is likely bloating from the Crinone and my emotional eating.  Possible pregnancy symptom but unlikely this early.  I want to be very cautious about excessive eating- wish me luck!
  • I noticed a very mild headache on day 7 and 8.
  • I have been having extremely vivid and bothersome dreams.  This too, is due to the Crinone so I have read.

We all know there is always a risk of miscarriage, but I’m determined to stay positive and hopeful that this baby will arrive in February of 2019 and be snuggled in my arms by Valentine’s Day.  I continue to dream and despite the roller coaster journey we have been on, every once in a while a miracle happens and you get the boost of happiness needed to keep on going.

I have learned so much in the last two years and have gained an empathy for others that probably couldn’t have been garnered any other way.  No one knows what tomorrow may bring for any of us, but today…. my heart is so full.


3 thoughts on “I’m in shock.

  1. Hello and a big congratulations on your blessing! I found your blog last night after Googling for info on abnormal pgs results, and it was a glimmer of hope that brought me to tears. My husband and I got the news yesterday of all 4 of our embryos testing abnormal. This was our first round of IVF, and we are eager to jump in to our second try as I turn 39 in September. Our stories sound very similar…I have severe endometriosis but I only found out about it at 37 when we started trying to conceive. I want to thank you for putting your experience out there for me, and certainly others, to find. It means so much to read a successful ending that so closely parallels my journey. I am also in Florida, in the Panhandle. I wondered if you would share with me what clinic you are using? My prayers for you for a happy pregnancy!!


    1. Hello! I’m so sorry to see that your embryos were abnormal, but happy you felt encouraged by my experience. I went into IVF naively believing what the media would have us to with all of the celebs having babies.. it’s easy and guaranteed! Wrong. I would definitely take some time to grieve the disappointment and when you are ready.. get right back into the game. Sorry to say that but IVF is very much like playing a slot machine. We got 1 PGS normal embryo after 3 rounds of IVF and had very low odds of it implanting. But today I am 7 weeks pregnant! I’m from Tallahassee… is that where you are located? We have been to 2 clinics in Tampa (ditched the 1st one after terrible experiences with the curt nursing staff) and have been pleased with USF’s Fertility Clinic. Check out my latest blog post that you will shortly see with more updated info. Hang in there!


      1. The size of a blueberry, how incredible life is! We are in Panama City, and going to the Center for Reproductive Medicine in Mobile for IVF. We like our doctor and embryologist but some of the nursing staff definitely make us feel like one of many and a bother to them. Sadly I don’t think that’s uncommon at all. We’ll continue with round two as soon as we can and keep the faith. Biggest test ever! Wishing you continued joy! I look forward to following along.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s